I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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