so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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