Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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