it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
