There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
