i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
