Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
