Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
