So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
