If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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