I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Randomize