I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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