seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
