we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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