I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
