yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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