this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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