Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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