Plan B is the new Plan A
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
