So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize