I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
