you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Dick very happy bro
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
