I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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