Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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