i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
