So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize