i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize