I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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