There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize