So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
