Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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