I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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