how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
