Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
