she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
