Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
