I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
