I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I understand Curling. That high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
