Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
