you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
