True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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