question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
