her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
