I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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