I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
