if i can run in heels then i can drive
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
