In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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