Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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