Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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