I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
