Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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