I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
