was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize