Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
