I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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