one might say we're banned from that church
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
