i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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