You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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