I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize