I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
