I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
