she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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