I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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