well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
