She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize