the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
