hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize