I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
