a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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