Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
