I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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