Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Randomize
