I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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