So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
