Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I AM VODKA MAN
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Randomize
