dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
