I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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