went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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