I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize