I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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