i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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