Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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