U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
