This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
