Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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