wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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