oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize