From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
