I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
