Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
