You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
