After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize