Who did Billy Mays play for?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
