I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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