She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
