We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
