Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
