What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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