I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
