Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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