I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
