In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize