dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
