there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
