it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
