Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
