oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize