I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
