I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
