here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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